Normal Life

A friend said to me recently that the key to dealing with grief is not to let it stop your life but to get back on with your normal life. The hardest part about the person who died being someone you cared for is that "caring" for them IS your normal life, so you find yourself bereved and redundant all in one fail swoop. I think this is what made the first few weeks of grief so devastating for me, I grieved for mum and the life I knew. I felt stranded, as if I had missed the last train home and didn't know what I was going to do.Despite my doctors attempts to prescribe a 4th type of anti depressant to jolly me up I firmly decided that my initial diagnosis was correct, I am not clinically depressed - I am stressed out of my fucking gord for very good reasons. To that end and with the support of a rather fab counsellor at the university I have turned my efforts over the last couple of weeks to building a normal life for myself.I have managed to stop taking tablets to make me sleep at night, started taking lots of suppliments to increase my energy, alleviate stress and promote healthy brain function. I am slowly turning my attention towards the direction of what I eat, but readily diverting attention elsewhere since my eating issues and I have been such firm friends for so many years would be a shame to dich mistress junk and mr binge after so long. I have started simply walking more (and realising how incredibly unfit I am that simply walking is causing so much muscle pain) and as soon as my funding arrives going to join the gym at Uni. I have an appointment to speak to the accupuncturist there and will be taking two yoga classes, one tai chi and then normal work out stuff thereafter.So does this turning my energies inwards onto myself with the idea that disease is dis-ease and that I need to bring my mind and body back into balance mean I feel suddenly like a whole new healed healthy woman...? No, but I can honestly say that after the last couple of weeks I feel that I have at least turned one corner and no longer feel like a wounded animal, crowing for it's life and simply wanting to just lay down and be left alone. I at least now feel as well as know that there is a life for me after my mothers death. I also know that although I realise she has gone, I have not let her go. The emotional part of me that cannot or will not listen to reason is still holding onto her and when I can figure out how to deal with that little issue, I will let you know.I guess what I am really saying is that I am feeling more stable, I am feeling hope, love and happiness again and thank to you all of those who held me or listened to my pain, who didn't walk away or tell me to just move on with my life because that just what we do in these situations.Right now I just want peace, it seems that I am one of the few amongst my friends who honestly doesn't know what I believe in, what are the truths I hold to stear me through life and I am exploring that side of life. Not god or religion, more internal philosphy and self truths; and I am trying to figure these things out because I feel so out of sync with my own life and my body, that I want to feel whole again, and feel some kind of inner calm/peace that I can return to in times of strife - rather than breaking down hysterically and feeling so overwhelmed by all that life throws at me.N.B. But if life would like to take a break from hurling shit in my direction that would be cool by me too. ;-P